


Bad Choice of Words

by fapwater



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Drabble, Dysfunctional Relationships, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hinata Hajime & Kamukura Izuru Are Merged, Hurt/Comfort, Kamukura Izuru Has Feelings, Komaeda Nagito Being Komaeda Nagito, One Shot, Physical Abuse, Short One Shot, but you know how they are, it's fine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-09
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:02:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24097765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fapwater/pseuds/fapwater
Summary: Just an angsty one shot to make you feel things
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito, Kamukura Izuru/Komaeda Nagito
Comments: 1
Kudos: 95





	Bad Choice of Words

**Author's Note:**

> Hello. I wrote this kind of like a vent and I've also been wanting to write these two a lot. I love them  
> Also! If this goes well, I could turn this scene into a chapter, slow-burn type thing. Might do it if this one-shot flops anyway.
> 
> Hope you guys like it and I hope this isn't like extremely out of character in regards to Nagito being somewhat affectionate lol
> 
> NOTE: Nagito's thoughts are narrated in first person

And the way Nagito’s green-grey eyes widened as the words slipped out of Hajime’s mouth and into Nagito’s ears, surprised Hinata. Nagito’s cool, humble demeanor seemed to shatter into an expression Hajime was not sure he’d ever achieved in witnessing. 

Hajime’s words seemed to enter one ear and do a lap around Nagito’s body. Making his stomach sink, his heart stop and his hands shake. And for a moment, Hajime thought he might have broken him. He wasn’t sure if he would ever hear the long unfathomable tangents about… hope and how useless he is or hear his unusually upbeat tone when talking about something absolutely morbid. But just as fast as they struck Nagito, he seemed to shake off the effect just as quickly… Well after the minute of eerie silence. 

“Aha. Ahahaha... Of course!” Nagito exclaimed, leaving Hajime behind as usual. His high-pitched, nearly squeal echoed within the walls of the cottage. 

Unlike Nagito, Hajime perceives the boy as one of the world’s greatest mysteries. He’s not like her and he’s definitely not like him. Him, his talent, his life…  
Nagito is dangerously yet exhilaratingly unpredictable, so Hajime inhales so deeply and holds his breath, inflating his chest. He awaits for Nagito’s revelation.

“... Hajime... Of course, you would put yourself through so much humiliation just to make me feel like I’m worth more than what I really am.”

Has he forgotten already? Do I have to spell it out?  
Didn’t I make it clear?  
I am nothing. In fact, I’ve numbed myself to the idea of ever being permanent in someone’s life.  
No matter how I ache for it. When I’m near, planes crash, serial killers plot,  
I know what I am. I’ll shoulder so much despair, he can’t get in the way. 

Nagito’s face is soft now, unaware of how his demented reality actually saved him from dropping to his knees and drowning in a flood self-loathing. Even so, his pale jade eyes are glistening. Bright and clear, it’s almost comical. This entire situation. Deep down, the thought of laughing enters Hajime’s head. 

Hajime’s nose twitches with a prickling irritation and he wonders if he was actually dumb enough to expect a different response. The fury that has sparked is indescribable, it was enough to carry him to climb the highest mountain, in the brutal biting cold just to reach the top. And once he’s there, he’ll scream at the stars, demanding they shift, even just a little. Enough to get Nagito to fathom, even just for a moment. For that, he’d shout curses at ‘luck’, at ‘talent’, at the cruel dictators above that gamble with their lives, their emotions. He would demand that these wages of hope and despair upon not just him and Nagito, but his friends, would just leave them alone. 

“Is that what you really think this is?! All along?” Hajime’s voice rises in an octave, his voice is already feminine but now he sounds incredibly defeated, cracked with desperate confusion and need. 

“Nagito… I’ve spent days… weeks… months with you! Just trying to… get you to see..” He’s speaking in between breaths now. 

What is this panic? The physical sensation of the chambers of his heart being ripped apart so violently? Whatever it is, Nagito is watching in horror now.

“I’ve hurt you..” Nagito whimpers  
“No shit…”  
“But, it’s not like I have not already informed you.” It’s almost annoying how sudden his tone can shift. He really is a manipulative prick, Hajime thinks. He’s condescending.

“My existence is nothing to treasure, nothing to believe in” Nagito continues.  
“Nothing to praise… Not even to…” He hesitates, it’s a heavy word not even Nagito wants to be associated with. And that’s the final blow to Hajime’s chest.

“Damn it..!” Hajime cries, voice shattering against the still air. He grasps Nagito by the shoulders harshly, digging his nails into his skin and doesn’t even care.

“Why is it that the only person I want cant want me?! Why do I feel so fucking lonely even when you’re right here?!” Tears spring in the corners of Hajime’s mismatched eyes and Nagito can’t look away. He wants to, it kills him to think he made Hajime unravel like this, but after all… 

That’s all I’m supposed to do. I'm just the stepladder that is used for hope to shine through, just a vessel, just an enabler. What does he really want from me?

Maybe Nagito’s luck is genuine or maybe… It’s something worse.

“You really think I would want to spend time with someone who spends their time rambling about how useless he is? About… “ Hajime’s voice trails off.

Maybe there is no external all-knowing force that keeps them from ever colliding.  
It’s just Nagito. Stubborn, unwilling to face the pain of the truth.  
“Nagito. You…” One thought emerges and then leaves.  
Too many, way too many of them.  
“Maybe you are hopeless…” Hajime releases Nagito, who is completely taken aback by the sudden performance. However, he recovers from the stun and he smirks at that.  
“Yes.” He agrees. “Do you finally understand?”

I much prefer him. 

Even in suffering, Hajime seems to shine to Nagito. His eyes radiate a certain hope even when distraught but right now, the sun seemed to be tucked behind the clouds. And Nagito never minded the rain. That’s how Kamukura and Hajime just were. As contrasting as the sun and moon, land and sea yet still all existed under the same sky. 

“Hajime… I just want to see you bask in the light of hope once more… I just want to see you embody what you were born to!” Hajime closes his eyes softly listening to his spiel.  
Nagito ponders if that was impatience just now.

“By playing the role of despair?”  
“Yes.”  
“So do it…”  
“What?”

As those words left Hajime’s mouth, he knew that threatening suggestion alone did not belong to him. He often wondered if the wolf prowling among the dark forest of his mind was ever going to finally lunge at him. Hajime opened his eyes, but it was as if his presence was now a casted shadow within the room.

“Do it. Be the thing you’re so desperate to be because you’re not brave enough to be something else.” 

It was like ice, like blistering cold ice surrounding the room. Like his malice-laced words were a spell to freeze everything graceful in this room. Nagito grinned and then opened his mouth to concur before Hajime interrupted him again.  
“As a matter of fact… Let me help you.”  
Like a cobra striking, Hajime’s slender fingers were now wrapped around Nagito’s throat. Nagito gasped at the sudden force and his breath grew more and more hoarse as his windpipe was slowly being crushed. 

Normally, I wouldn’t let someone lowly do this to even me. But it’s him.  
I love and believe in all parts of him.  
This is okay… Yeah…

“Do it. Be the thing that destroys me, that makes me lose all hope.”  
His hold is getting tighter, and he really is like a cobra suffocating prey.

“Be the one that makes me stronger than before.” He spits through gritted teeth.

Nagito was so engrossed with Hajime’s compelling, alluring and petrifying aura, he didn’t realize his back collided with the wall.

Nagito cracks open his eyes and reflexively pulls at Hajime’s enclosed hand on this throat.  
He peeks to see tears streaming down Hajime’s cheeks, glistening as the light meets the parts of his face that are wet. Olive and crimson eyes peering like lasers, filled with so much emotion yet none at all.  
As confusing as the sun beaming on a rainy, dreary day.

Am I selfish?  
Am I not saving them? Am I not saving them hurt by being around me?  
Why… then…  
Do I feel this guilty?  
I must be selfish. I can’t bear the despair of losing someone so I make them lose me…  
But who am I to him?  
Is this okay to admit… 

“S...stop..” Nagito croaks. And Hajime instantly listens because… Nagito…. Denying the chance to DIE? Something must have struck him for him to interfere. Nagito coughs and gasps for air violently, hands clasps at this throat which now have visible bruises. Nagito isn’t even fully together when Hajime stalks closer to him.  
“W-Whoa... Hey..!” He exclaims and Hajime pulls him closer by his waist and buries his head in the crook of his neck. Lightly kissing the abuse that had been done and Nagito can’t handle that. He’s fighting every instinct to pull away and remind Hajime about how trash like him can’t afford such affectionate behavior…  
Would it be to remind Hajime… or to convince himself?

It was almost dizzying, the turn of events that just occurred in this room. But still...  
At that moment… there was no luck… there was no hope, no despair. No purpose, no consequences, no island. 

Nagito did what he wanted to avoid, ever since he was young.  
He existed.  
He felt selfish but couldn’t find it in him to move…  
With Hajime’s tears staining his neck and the persistent kisses he received between the sniffling and the pang of… regret. 

“I love you too.”

End


End file.
